


Superman Somewhat Reluctantly Saves Christmas...

by Elzy



Category: DC Cinematic Universe, DCU (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Aquaman hates cameras I guess, Batman that's not how friendship works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 11:21:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8798929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elzy/pseuds/Elzy
Summary: When cold-themed villains plan to ruin Christmas with a non-cold-themed evil scheme, the guy who dresses like a Bat is too confused to do anything and the fast guy doesn't realise his suit for running on ice is now a detriment to the running fast thing. This looks like a job for Superman, even if he's not really all that enthusiastic about doing it.Not actually any specific continuity but happy to take potshots at the DCEU because why not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Or, for the full title: Superman Somewhat Reluctantly Saves Christmas Because Frankly Everyone Seems To Do It At Least Once And Seriously What Is Green Arrow Going To Do To Save Christmas Anyway I Mean He Seems More Skilled For Saving Valentines Day But As Far As I Know That's Not Happened At Least In Recent Continuity Huh That Might Actually Be Pretty Funny It's A Pity Arrow Plays Itself Serious Enough They Can't Do That I Mean They Do Have Jokes And Stuff And It's Not Like DCEU Levels Of Gritty Super Serious Or Anything But (Get on with it - Ed) Oops Sorry.

"Oh no Superman help help," Lois Lane sighed, wishing that other people would say it for once or better yet the Kryptonian would get a friggin' special phone or something. I mean, how hard could it be to get the 911 dispatch to redirect to a burner?  
  
Her musings were interrupted by the arrival of the Man of Steel.  
  
"Morning, what's up this time? Lex Luthor in the study with the Revolver?"  
  
"That's Clue, Superman, and can I just say, nice job on not bothering to stop his scheme to get himself inserted as a replacement for Professor Plum, it kept him busy for a while. Anyway, apparently someone needs to save Christmas from Captain Cold, Killer Frost, and Mister Freeze. They plan to make everything warm so there's no white Christmas this year."  
  
"Okay, little weird for those three. Does it have to be me, because I'm pretty sure Batman and The Flash are probably already saving it."  
  
"Afraid so, they've confused Batman by reversing their normal MO and trying to make everything warm so he's trying to figure out if maybe they had parents with the same name as his and they might be his friends, The Flash keeps tripping up on all the slush because he's wearing special shoes to grip ice and has friction issues, so we figure if we just let the last survivor of an advanced alien race with intelligence and powers beyond that of regular humans fly over and punch them for a bit they'll stop."  
  
"How are they doing it, weird machine or weird magic trinket thing?"  
  
"Machine. Don't know how it works, probably something to do with magnets or mirrors, you know how it goes, supervillains are like MacGuyver, they build all sorts of weird junk."  
  
"Alright, back in a minute."  
  
Superman flew away, and returned fifty-five seconds later. In the meantime, Aquaman made a brief but pointless cameo.  
  
"Hi, I'm Aquaman," the King of Atlantis said, walking past for no viable reason but pausing to attack a security camera as so far that kind of seems to be his thing.  
  
"Bye Aquaman, welcome back Clark."  
  
"Wh-Who is Clark, I'm Superman, not that handsome rogue Clark Ke-"  
  
"We're kind of using some movie continuity so I know who you are."  
  
"Oh okay. Anyway, you were right, it was magnets. Don't know how but punching it made it explode and now it's snowing everywh... Wait a minute, I think that might have been their plan all along."  
  
"Probably but who cares, we get snow," Lois shrugged.  
  
"Well, people do freeze to death in winter, Lois."  
  
"Nice of you to worry about avoidable deaths _now_."  
  
Superman sighed.  
  
"Honestly, you can't stop one giant alien terraforming device flattening the city when you're starting out and no one ever lets it go. I mean, Perry White blew up a village that one time, no one ever gets on his back about it."  
  
" _It was technically only a hamlet!_ " The Daily Planet editor protested.  
  
"...Wait a second, if you know I'm Clark in this story why didn't you just phone Clark?" Superman observed a small plot hole.  
  
"Because you left your phone on your desk," Lois filled it.  
  
"Ah."  
  
Said phone rang.  
  
"Hello? Hi, Bruce... No, I didn't know Mr Freeze's dad was named Thomas.... No, Bruce, you're not friends now... That's not all there is to it... Look, remember what happened when you found out the Penguin was born in Martha's Vineyard? That's what's happening now...."  
  
" _Clark, can you do the job I pay you for instead of talking to billionaires who dress like bats, please?!_ "  
  
"Gotta go, Bruce, I guess everyone in the Daily Planet knows I'm Clark Kent in this story."  
  
"We do _now_ ," said an intern.  


End file.
